"It is in the quiet crucible of your personal, private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you've been through." Wintley Phipps
There has been so much loss and pain. My marriage and the four miscarriages I had while married, were a dark, dark time in my life. It seemed that we, (Ex-Man and me) were either totally devoted and in love, or completely hated each other and were ripping each other apart.
Through grief counseling for me, I tried to work on myself and we tried to work on us in marriage counseling, but no amount of counseling could turn him back from the path of infidelity he had already chosen although I did not know it until 2-weeks after he walked out.
And when he left, I was desolate. I had lost everything save one person: God. Now this may sound like what you expected me to say. It may sound trite. Some of you may roll your eyes and some of you may deeply, truly understand. And not only that, you may relate.
When Ex-Man left, I had the clothes in my car and a few personal belongings, my dog, my beat up jalopy I called a car and a bit of money in the bank (less than $1000.) All my stuff was in storage. I had quit my job to relocate to be with him where he was living in another state so I was jobless. I no longer had easy access to my step sons who I had nurtured, loved and cared for. I had no home because I was supposed to be going to OUR new home in "New State."
My life had been utterly destroyed. As I drove down the road to my mom's home, (she had texted me and said, "come to us.") I cried. I felt so desolate. But I was tingly too, alive with the love and fever of the Holy Spirit. God's presence was palpable. He held my hand and said, "I am so sorry. So sorry. I love you and I am here." I said, "Thanks. I'm glad you're here." God's love came flooding into that empty, gaping hole this man had left in the center of my chest. I was not alone after all.
Throughout the months that followed, I continued in a state of confusion, chaos, and sadness. But God, was ever by my side saying, "I got you. I'm here." And I said, "I know and I trust you. No matter how things seem to appear, I trust you." It was the first time in a trial by fire that I kept my faith and believed that God would keep me from getting scorched.
Almost a year later I'm in my own place, school is starting on August 29th for me (fully paid), and I will have income coming in so I don't have to work. And when all is said and done I will have an amazing career and a master's degree. A beautiful man has come into my life. Kind people have loved and cared for me along the way. Strong people have helped me and fought for me. I am on a path of success and in awe of all my many blessings. I see that a life, a good life is possible and it took one simple act of faith; knowing that God was not happy in my misery; knowing that God wanted my every happiness.
I just kept asking God, "What's next?" and then I would wait for the answer. And although I didn't always like the answer, I followed obediently and found myself in the middle of more joy and success than I ever thought possible for me.
No, I did not lose everything September 15, 2011 - I found God and clung to Him with my last ounce of strength, and boy am I glad that I did!
There has been so much loss and pain. My marriage and the four miscarriages I had while married, were a dark, dark time in my life. It seemed that we, (Ex-Man and me) were either totally devoted and in love, or completely hated each other and were ripping each other apart.
Through grief counseling for me, I tried to work on myself and we tried to work on us in marriage counseling, but no amount of counseling could turn him back from the path of infidelity he had already chosen although I did not know it until 2-weeks after he walked out.
And when he left, I was desolate. I had lost everything save one person: God. Now this may sound like what you expected me to say. It may sound trite. Some of you may roll your eyes and some of you may deeply, truly understand. And not only that, you may relate.
When Ex-Man left, I had the clothes in my car and a few personal belongings, my dog, my beat up jalopy I called a car and a bit of money in the bank (less than $1000.) All my stuff was in storage. I had quit my job to relocate to be with him where he was living in another state so I was jobless. I no longer had easy access to my step sons who I had nurtured, loved and cared for. I had no home because I was supposed to be going to OUR new home in "New State."
My life had been utterly destroyed. As I drove down the road to my mom's home, (she had texted me and said, "come to us.") I cried. I felt so desolate. But I was tingly too, alive with the love and fever of the Holy Spirit. God's presence was palpable. He held my hand and said, "I am so sorry. So sorry. I love you and I am here." I said, "Thanks. I'm glad you're here." God's love came flooding into that empty, gaping hole this man had left in the center of my chest. I was not alone after all.
Throughout the months that followed, I continued in a state of confusion, chaos, and sadness. But God, was ever by my side saying, "I got you. I'm here." And I said, "I know and I trust you. No matter how things seem to appear, I trust you." It was the first time in a trial by fire that I kept my faith and believed that God would keep me from getting scorched.
Almost a year later I'm in my own place, school is starting on August 29th for me (fully paid), and I will have income coming in so I don't have to work. And when all is said and done I will have an amazing career and a master's degree. A beautiful man has come into my life. Kind people have loved and cared for me along the way. Strong people have helped me and fought for me. I am on a path of success and in awe of all my many blessings. I see that a life, a good life is possible and it took one simple act of faith; knowing that God was not happy in my misery; knowing that God wanted my every happiness.
I just kept asking God, "What's next?" and then I would wait for the answer. And although I didn't always like the answer, I followed obediently and found myself in the middle of more joy and success than I ever thought possible for me.
No, I did not lose everything September 15, 2011 - I found God and clung to Him with my last ounce of strength, and boy am I glad that I did!
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