It's interesting how God puts people in our lives to show us ourselves. I have been given, as of late, a multitude of opportunities to let go of my need to be right by seeing it in someone else. And I'm actually getting it.
I think the dire need to be right stems from some different but intricately intertwined roots: 1) A lack of control. 2) A lack of purpose. 3) A fear of being wrong.
A Lack of Control: In a world of uncertainty, when one is plagued by self doubt, it is easy to find comfort in being right, and knowing you are right, and believing that someone else is wrong. If I am right, then I know something you don't know and I have power. Power loosely translate into, "I am in control," or at least feeds the illusion of control. When life is out of control, when I am struggling with something internally and can't make heads or tails of it, being right gives me the sense of control that my life is not reflecting back to me. I may not be able to find a job, which is a pretty scarey place to be, but if I'm right, well that's something I can control because I can't make someone give me a job, but I can prove that I am right. I can argue that I am right and I can put to ease the lack of control over my own life that sometimes overwhelms me. It is a most interesting way to distract one's self from all the things we have no control over including other people. However; it provides only temporary release at best, requiring us to then be right all the time, and so...we become addicts to the need to be right as a means of gaining control when ultimately we are doing it because we feel so out of control.
A Lack of Purpose: We all need purpose and meaning in our lives. People who lack these things often find themselves seeking a way to fill the void and usually not in a healthy way. Lately, I've made it a point to fill my life with things that bring meaning and purpose. I am really focused in on beginning my writing career. Something I've wanted for a long time. I am focused on going to church every Sunday and I am focused on exercise and eating a well balanced diet so I can lose a few pesky pounds. I have discovered that the more I am purpose driven, the less of a need I have to argue and prove my right-ness because I have something bigger than my need for domination and control to focus on and live for. I have goals, objectives to get there, and a rough timeline for accomplishing all this. But when life overwhelms me, and I find myself ambling about the house with a feeling of boredom, that is when I give in to the need to be right. My mind wanders stirring up resentments and perceived hurts and I find things to fault others for and set out to prove why I am right and they are wrong.
A Fear of Being Wrong: Let's face it; who likes admitting they are wrong, being perceived as wrong, or truly knowing they are or were wrong? I don't. This fear of appearing like a boob is tricky. It will cause you to fight all that much harder to be right thus digging the grave even deeper when we realize we truly are or were wrong. For me, it's tied up a bit in ego. Being right equals intelligence. Being wrong equals stupidity and ignorance. Being right equals superiority. Being wrong equals inferiority. No one wants to be on the bottom rung of the ladder. The solution is simple, be okay with being wrong. Chalk it up to humility and say, "Oh. I guess I was wrong. Sorry." Or, "Not everyone can be right all the time; guess I was wrong this time." It really is no big deal because truly, is it fair to expect myself to be right ALL THE TIME? That's just not realistic. When I accept my humanity, when I can look at someone in the midst of an "I'm right, you're wrong" conversation or argument and say, "You know, you could be right," I then give myself permission to be wrong so that if I am, it's really okay. And, admitting to this foible of being wrong, admitting, "Hey, I'm only human, I could be wrong," frees me of the fear of it. By facing it dead on, I diminish its power over me.
So day in, day out I am offered opportunities to resist the urge to prove others wrong, and prove myself right. I have to be okay with letting others be right, or I can let it stick in my craw every time. Seriously though, who wants to spend their days arguing and trying to make people feel bad? I release my need for control, I work on living a purpose driven life, and I make it okay to say, "You know, you could be right and perhaps I'm wrong."
Molly Ann
I think the dire need to be right stems from some different but intricately intertwined roots: 1) A lack of control. 2) A lack of purpose. 3) A fear of being wrong.
A Lack of Control: In a world of uncertainty, when one is plagued by self doubt, it is easy to find comfort in being right, and knowing you are right, and believing that someone else is wrong. If I am right, then I know something you don't know and I have power. Power loosely translate into, "I am in control," or at least feeds the illusion of control. When life is out of control, when I am struggling with something internally and can't make heads or tails of it, being right gives me the sense of control that my life is not reflecting back to me. I may not be able to find a job, which is a pretty scarey place to be, but if I'm right, well that's something I can control because I can't make someone give me a job, but I can prove that I am right. I can argue that I am right and I can put to ease the lack of control over my own life that sometimes overwhelms me. It is a most interesting way to distract one's self from all the things we have no control over including other people. However; it provides only temporary release at best, requiring us to then be right all the time, and so...we become addicts to the need to be right as a means of gaining control when ultimately we are doing it because we feel so out of control.
A Lack of Purpose: We all need purpose and meaning in our lives. People who lack these things often find themselves seeking a way to fill the void and usually not in a healthy way. Lately, I've made it a point to fill my life with things that bring meaning and purpose. I am really focused in on beginning my writing career. Something I've wanted for a long time. I am focused on going to church every Sunday and I am focused on exercise and eating a well balanced diet so I can lose a few pesky pounds. I have discovered that the more I am purpose driven, the less of a need I have to argue and prove my right-ness because I have something bigger than my need for domination and control to focus on and live for. I have goals, objectives to get there, and a rough timeline for accomplishing all this. But when life overwhelms me, and I find myself ambling about the house with a feeling of boredom, that is when I give in to the need to be right. My mind wanders stirring up resentments and perceived hurts and I find things to fault others for and set out to prove why I am right and they are wrong.
A Fear of Being Wrong: Let's face it; who likes admitting they are wrong, being perceived as wrong, or truly knowing they are or were wrong? I don't. This fear of appearing like a boob is tricky. It will cause you to fight all that much harder to be right thus digging the grave even deeper when we realize we truly are or were wrong. For me, it's tied up a bit in ego. Being right equals intelligence. Being wrong equals stupidity and ignorance. Being right equals superiority. Being wrong equals inferiority. No one wants to be on the bottom rung of the ladder. The solution is simple, be okay with being wrong. Chalk it up to humility and say, "Oh. I guess I was wrong. Sorry." Or, "Not everyone can be right all the time; guess I was wrong this time." It really is no big deal because truly, is it fair to expect myself to be right ALL THE TIME? That's just not realistic. When I accept my humanity, when I can look at someone in the midst of an "I'm right, you're wrong" conversation or argument and say, "You know, you could be right," I then give myself permission to be wrong so that if I am, it's really okay. And, admitting to this foible of being wrong, admitting, "Hey, I'm only human, I could be wrong," frees me of the fear of it. By facing it dead on, I diminish its power over me.
So day in, day out I am offered opportunities to resist the urge to prove others wrong, and prove myself right. I have to be okay with letting others be right, or I can let it stick in my craw every time. Seriously though, who wants to spend their days arguing and trying to make people feel bad? I release my need for control, I work on living a purpose driven life, and I make it okay to say, "You know, you could be right and perhaps I'm wrong."
Molly Ann
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